My thorn was ventilator-dependence and quadriplegia. In contrast to Paul, I rejected that His grace was sufficient and asked far more than three times for the thorn to be removed.
God's Will & Grace or Jessica's Will?
Upon waking from a coma, a ventilator-dependent quadriplegic, the acceptance of God’s grace never crossed my mind. A friend shared the verse with me. Sudden, I couldn’t move, speak or breathe on my own, but I was supposed to believe God's grace was sufficient. Everything in me resisted His gift of grace. Grace didn't feel like much of a gift, grace felt more like a curse.
In the first place, I had prayed to be healed if that wasn't God's will I didn't want His will . I wanted mine. Since He didn't completely heal me, I searched for an answer to the question uppermost in my mind, "Why?". Why wouldn't He just heal me? The question of "Why?" wasn't answered as I want!ed. In the light of the fact God wasn't doing what I wanted when I wanted, I decided I'd better figure out what the meaning of grace was, because if that was the extent of what God would do I needed to understand it.
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it."
Grace. What is grace?
At Christianity.com grace is defined as "... the love of God shown to the unlovely; the peace of God given to the restless; the unmerited favor of God." or as quoted from B.G. Warfield “Grace is free sovereign favor to the ill-deserving.” Grace can be defined, but grace like humor is so much more than a definition can impart. Unless and until grace is experienced it can't be truly understood. After examination of the bible for scripture about Jesus and His gift of grace and love, I witnessed how wondrous His grace is and why it's sufficient.
"“Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.”
God Sees Things From the End to the Beginning
If I had been given a choice when I regained consciousness whether I wanted to spend the rest of my life hooked to machines, I'd have chosen death. I never would have imagined the blessings of the days, months and years to come. Given the choice today I would choose life, because His grace is sufficient. I have seen the effect my disabilities and story have had on people. So, now I can glory in my disabilities, because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. God sees things from the end to the beginning and knows how I will influence others, because of my disabilities. If I can share Christ's gift of salvation with even one person and they are saved, my suffering will have been worth it, because I'll dance, walk and sing in heaven for eternity.